it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize
