Cold hands, warm shart.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
