I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
