Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
