is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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