Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Randomize
