Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
