Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize