i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
