i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Acid is not a monday night drug
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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