What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
