That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I just googled if crying burns calories
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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