There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
