In the future we'll all be gay
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
