i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
