Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize