i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
