saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
