sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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