ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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