a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
