I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
