Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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