I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
