please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
