yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
