I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
