what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
