White coat. Heels.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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