did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
