she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
