Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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