question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Couch. On fire.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
