She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This house was built for laser tag.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
