Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
