Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize