I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
