Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
