the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
