I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
