never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize