I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
