there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
