Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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