well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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