update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
