Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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