i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
