Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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