If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
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