evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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