Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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