The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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