remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
