Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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