I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
