I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
