Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
