he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
