So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
