Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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