They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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