I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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