I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
