fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
