this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
