mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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