I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
