It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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